We can learn a lot from this Jakk’d label:

1. It is one of very few that mentions the amount of caffeine on the label. This is probably a good thing. It is hard to imagine a good argument for disallowing a short, plain statement as to how much of a powerful psychoactive substance is in the beverage you are about to consume. This product has 75 mg. of caffeine per bottle, according to the label. It might be even better if the label used an icon or other simple statement to show that this is roughly equivalent to a cup of coffee.
2. According to box 19, the brand name does not refer to anything nefarious, and instead refers to the name of the company’s founder, and other good things like “cool,” “thorough enjoyment,” and “being pumped about the greatness of this drink.” TTB is not so sure, and noted that “The brand name remains under review.”
3. This is a rare spirits label with an FDA-style ingredient list.

Jakk’d is made in Temperance, Michigan.

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After seeing this vodka distilled from cow’s milk, we didn’t expect to see too many more beverages distilled from milk. Despite all, here is Chinese Milk Liquor. The label is fairly sketchy about how it’s made. A very good website, teaching about Asian alcohol beverages, explains that this type of spirit is called Lai Jiu:

Literally “milk liquor,” it is made by taking cow’s milk, fermenting it, and distilling it. It is around 40% alcohol and it is as clear as water. I absolutely love the stuff. It has a sweet after-taste to it, like evaporated milk … . It gives one such a lovely high (much better than bai jiu). To my knowledge (and I’ve looked), it can ONLY be found in the province of China called Nei Meng Gu (Inner Mongolia).

The same website also covers Bok Bun Ja Ju (“man who pees in a pot”) but we’ll leave that topic for another day.

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Here is Bacardi Torched Cherry Rum with Natural Flavors. It is apparently made with “torched plant aloe.”

The use of aloe as a flavor is curious because it’s not clear how aloe tastes, and various sources say aloe does not taste especially good. This product is one of very few TTB products that seem to contain aloe. Even these find no room for aloe. As of this writing, the other flavors in the line are:

• Dragon Berry
• Limon
• Peach
• Raspberry
• Orange
• Coconut
• Apple
• Melon

Apart from aloe, this label suggests TTB will allow the term “Rum” to appear larger than “with natural flavors.” And yet, on other distilled spirits specialties, such as an identical product made with a vodka base, it is unlikely TTB would allow “Vodka” to appear in a more prominent way compared to the rest of the statement of composition. It is not clear why TTB polices the term “vodka” so rigorously, but not other comparable terms, such as “rum.” Another example of this is, the government clearly allows “cherry rum” (as above) but would probably not allow “cherry vodka.” This example is easier to understand because, as a matter of law and history, rum is only made from cane products, so confusion is unlikely. But in the case of a “cherry vodka” it would be more difficult to be sure about whether the product is distilled from cherries or just has a cherry flavor. It is possible that “vodka” is more sensitive due to controversy around this Skyy Blue label from many years ago.

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Calvin knows a thing or two about the booze business. Not to mention all manner of other intoxicants. (I need to warm up to calling him by his assumed name.)

Sixteen years ago Cordazar Calvin Broadus (aka Snoop Dogg) released a little song called “Gin & Juice.” It set off a big chain of events. It helped to launch his career, garnering a 1995 Grammy nomination. It also unleashed a slew of covers, such as this country version by The Gourds (it is slightly less obscene than the original, if only because it’s a little harder to make out the words).

And most to the point, it also apparently unleashed the Gin & Juice product line as above. It’s possible that Seagram got there first, but I would tend to doubt it, based on not much more than the age of the song. The song specifically refers to the Seagram and Tanqueray brands of gin. There is a whole lot in the song to horrify right-thinking persons, such as flagrant disregard for women, drug laws, mom’s wishes. But even more pernicious is the nonchalance about drinking and driving. In the original video, Snoop doesn’t quite cruise down the boulevard while sipping his gin and juice, but he might as well, as he sits behind the wheel and re-fills his cup.

Most of the lyrics are too obscene, even for this adult publication, but the most pertinent and repeatable are as follows:

Now, that, I got me some Seagram’s gin
Everybody got they cups, but they ain’t chipped in

Later on that day
My homey Dr. Dre came through with a gang of Tanqueray

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Here is a “delightfully chilling blend of Canadian icewine and vodka ~ VICE.” It is produced by Vineland Estates Winery, in Ontario, “one of Canada’s oldest and most renowned wineries.” The Vice website tends to suggest that Vineland would have liked to present this as a “martini,” but TTB can be protective of this term, and so it looks like Vineland settled for the term “cocktail” instead.

Speaking of vice, perhaps it’s time to sort out whether we are in the “vice” business or not. The Online Etymology Dictionary defines “vice” as “moral fault, wickedness.” The term dates back at least 700 years, to about 1300, from French. I can think of many things more wicked and fault-worthy than a 45 proof wine concoction, taxed and regulated out the wazoo. If this is vice, what is virtue? Here is a lawyer who scrupulously gravitates toward vice matters in his practice.

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Here is Leblon Cachaca Ice Cubes. It is Brazilian rum (with flavor), in a 200 ml. pack designed to freeze.

This should be of interest to Camper English at Alcademics, as he is inclined to tinker with all manner of alcohol beverages and ice.

The label says this product is “Made with Glazierepura Natural Freeze Technology.” BevNetwork explains that Glazierepura is a newly patented technology that can “freeze any alcohol and does not affect the flavor profile of the spirit.” Even though this Leblon product is only 40 proof, the technology would allow, for example, making ice cubes out of vodka — or even Single Malt Scotch. The US-Israeli company behind this technology partnered with Leblon for the offical US launch, on April 27, 2009 in New York.

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August 28, 2009 was a bad day for Rum Jumbie. In a slew of “approvals,” TTB directed Varela Imports to make “rum” much, much, less conspicuous. TTB said:

When new labels are printed, the word “rum” in your trademark name Rum Jumbie cannot appear more prominent than the Class and type. The [statement of composition] and the words Rum Jumbie must appear in the same color print. … No more use-ups will be granted.

That is, Varela must make their brand name and trademark much less conspicuous because this is not “rum” and the actual designation is “Rum with Natural Flavors.” TTB’s point, essentially, is that Varela is putting far too much rum in the Jumbie. This label emphasizes the rum aspect at least four times.

Jumbie has a trademark, and seems to have argued it here, to not much avail. There is little if any chance that the Trademark Office will come to the rescue and persuade TTB that there is not too much rum in the Jumbie. Also, the above image makes it pretty obvious that the product contains flavor.

It is not clear whether Varela has smashed into an aberration, or an evolving policy. On one hand “rum” is quite prominent and it’s not “rum.” On the other hand, back in 2004, a similar label was good enough under similar rules for the prior importer. Beyond that, spiced rum is in the same category (rum specialties) and it is common on such labels to emphasize the rum.

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Here are two recent spirits products with an unusal and unusually large assembly of flavors. On the following list, the first 13 flavors are on the Root label, and the next 11 are on the Pink Spruce label.

1. Birch bark
2. Smoked black tea
3. Cinnamon
4. Wintergreen
5. Spearmint
6. Clove
7. Anise
8. Orange
9. Lemon
10. Nutmeg
11. Allspice
12. Cardamom
13. Pure cane sugar
14. Spruce oil
15. Cucumber
16. Juniper berries
17. Angelica root
18. Orange peel
19. Lemon peel
20. Coriander
21. Ginger
22. Orris root
23. Grains of paradise
24. Tangerine oil

The Pink Spruce Gin label also mentions that the product is made with “free range coastal water,” it is “Seasoned in Oregon Pinot Barrels,” and distilled from grain. The Root product strangely does not mention the commodity from which distilled and probably should. It was “inspired by a potent 18th century… recipe. … It is an alcoholic version of what eventually evolved into Birch or Root Beer.” There is almost no overlap in the list of flavors from one to the other.

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Is it Tequila? Is it Mezcal? Is it a cactus or agave?

TTB has approved many Sotol products. The labels don’t do an especially good job of explaining what sotol is, but here are three fairly recent approvals:

• Hacienda de Chihuaha
• Agreste
• Hacienda de Canutillo

All three are classified as “Spirits Distilled from Sotol,” are made in Mexico, and are about 80 proof. According to Wikipedia, sotol is a spirit made from the Dasylirion wheeleri plant. It is the state drink of Chihuahua. The plant is known as Desert spoon in English and sotol in Spanish. It is a flowering shrub.

The Polished Palate seems to do a good job of distinguishing among Sotol, Tequila and Mezcal. It says they are all made from the agave (agavacea) plant and:

Tequila is made only from the Blue Weber agave. Mezcal can be made from a larger variety, the most popular being Espadin and Tobala. Sotol is made only from the agave grown in the Chihuahua State.

It remains confusing, however, because Ian Chadwick explains that sotol is not made from agave. He says it is made from an altogether different genus and species.

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TTB typically does not allow wine labels to say much about the alcohol content or strength — except in the normal alcohol by volume statement.

So we were surprised that The Drunken Goat, and his n’er-do-well friend, Le Drunk Rooster, would show up on a couple of wine labels. We pretty much expected them to show up, sooner or later, on a spirits label. But not on a wine or beer label, where TTB has historically and fairly vigorously discouraged alcohol content claims.

While the goat and rooster are carousing around, notable is the absence of any drunk humans out and about on approved labels. Unless you count this guy, the toothless fellow on the label for Rocky Mountain Moonshine Sippin’ Hooch. It is distilled from beets and the label suggests “Once tasted, you too will become hooked!” Box 19 surprisingly declares that “The man is no longer ‘drunk’ appearing.” If he’s sober I’d like to see the other version.

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