Posts Tagged ‘writing/witty/funny’
Bastards Aplenty
The industry submits a large number of “bastard” labels. From 2000-2009, TTB approved 124 labels featuring this word in the brand or fanciful name. This is about six times the number of such labels approved from 1980 to 2000. This is another example of how TTB has tended to ease up in certain areas, and will allow terms a bit more racy than many expect.
Cheap Bastard Red Wine is bottled by Pedrizzetti Winery of Morgan Hill, California. Backwoods Bastard is Ale Aged in Bourbon Barrels, bottled by Canal Street Brewing, of Grand Rapids, Michigan. We probably wouldn’t bother to comment on the preponderance of “bastard” labels. But the numbers are growing, and some of them have more issues going for them, apart from the naughty word. Arrogant Bastard Ale has some better than usual writing on the back label:
This is an aggressive ale. You probably won’t like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We would suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory — maybe something with a multi-million dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it’s made in a little brewery, or one that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal.
Off in the lower left corner, the back label also has a small Proposition 65 warning, not often seen on TTB-approved labels. It says:
Some materials used in the colored decorations on this container contain cadmium a chemical known to the State of California to cause birth defects or other reproductive harm.
The Arrogant Bastard, it turns out, is concerned about your well-being after all.
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policy, risqué, writing/witty/funny
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What Would Spanky Drink?
Did you ever wonder what Spanky (aka George McFarland) would drink? Neither did we, until we saw this rash of wines devoted to and inspired by spanking.
It’s tough to beat Smack My Ass & call me Sally. It is red wine bottled by Clos La Chance of San Martin, California. The whole world wide web is insufficient to the task of explaining this term’s origin; the trail stops here. (Speaking of which, the small image at upper right is courtesy of All Things Spanking, and nobody should be surprised there is a site devoted entirely to “eclectic adult spanking.”)
Spank Me Pink is red wine with no appellation, produced by Lac Belle Amie of Elizabethtown, North Carolina. The Sisters patiently explain “when she’s good she’s bad, and when she’s bad she’s even better.” Refusing to be left out of the action, Tyranena Brewing slaps a Spank Me Baby! sticker on its barleywine ale labels.
In a stunning coincidence, we learn that long after Our Gang wrapped up in the 1940s, Spanky spent his later years selling — wine.
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Of GCGs and Rejewvenators
I am not so sure these two go together — but what the hell.
Good Catholic Girl wine is Shiraz from Australia. It’s imported by (I should have guessed it) The Grateful Palate of Oxnard, California. It’s a tribute to the winemaker’s grandmother “who was the quintessential GCG.”
About as far as possible from an Australian wine is He’Brew Rejewvenator Ale, made in Saratoga Springs, New York. The Man Room seems to have a copy of the announcement for this beer:
Rejewvenator ferments nearly 500 gallons of Fig juice into a half doppleboch, half Belgian inspired dubbel hybrid lager/ale. … With projected 2008 annual sales at over $1.5 million, Shmaltz Brewing is no longer a one-man operation of sole proprietor Jeremy Cowan. Matching his 550% sales increase with 500% growth of his staff, Shmaltz Brewing now operates with five full-time employees.
They sound good. Together?
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No Fault Wine
We thought this was a little different, and amusing. His Fault white wine (above), says, on the back:
Did the earth move for you? It’s his fault. … Craving a lush, juicy white blend, with a knockout structure and frisky finish? Now that’s really His Fault.
Her Fault red wine, on the back, says:
Did the earth move for you? It’s her fault. … Craving a sumptuous, deeply flavored blend, with a supple mouthfeel and a really long finish? Now that’s really Her Fault.
The wines are bottled by Adler Fels Winery of Santa Rosa, California.
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Well Hung Wine
Plenty of labels call attention to feminine endowments, but we haven’t seen too many labels that point so directly to male equipment. Well Hung wine is produced and bottled by Virginia Wineworks of Charlottesville, Virginia. The back label brags that “Our wines stand up to any occasion!” Any other good examples out there?
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risqué, sexual, writing/witty/funny
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